wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
