in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
