If that was your dad, he is hot
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
