bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
