i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he fucked my hip out of place.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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