for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
