soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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