I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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