There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize
