I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
