is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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