why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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