Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
