did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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