Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
