I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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