Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
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