I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I am naked and annoyed.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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