Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
