I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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