a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
