Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
