I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
