I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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