Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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