how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize