nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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