I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
