she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
