i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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