so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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