I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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