So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
