I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I think I just shit out all my problems.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
