i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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