I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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