He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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