Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
