So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
