I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
