Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
