My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sext me about skeletons
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
