saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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