A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
