he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
