is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
