You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
