explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
