Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
