dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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