well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
