drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Operation Purity has been aborted
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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