I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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