im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
