We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
