don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
