She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
