dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
