I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
