I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he was CRYING into my vagina
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
