I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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