It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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