What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
