Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
