i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
