lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
