I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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