Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
